I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
