i don't like sucking hair
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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