if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
