I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Randomize
