Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
