I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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