Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
