Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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