Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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