Please, let me fuck your mom
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
