I wish I could punch you in the face.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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