Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
