Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Randomize
