If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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