There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
