Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize
