I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Randomize
