Have you finally orgasmed yet?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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