So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
