Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
