My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Randomize
