Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
