I got chris browned last night
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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