Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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