is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
