so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
