We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
