he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
