matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Actions speak louder than pants.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
