What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
