Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
