You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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