the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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