I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I'm sobbing to NWA
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize