ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
