if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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