You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
