DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
