I just made out with a guy for $7.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
