Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
