honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
