that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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