just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
