Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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