i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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