just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
