I'm lost and stupid without you.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
