I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I am naked and annoyed.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize