Sorry, I don't speak sober.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
