I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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