i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
