if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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