You made me cry and you don't even care
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
