Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Randomize