What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Why did my mother make you get naked?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
