My nipple is on Facebook.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
