I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
