I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
