If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
