He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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