How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
