It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
