I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
