The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Randomize
