I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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