So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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