Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
