are you still at the devil's house?
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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