after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
