went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
