I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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