I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Of course I have a pirate flag
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
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