Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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