You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
only you would photoshop your dick
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
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