Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
