Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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