There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
