The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize