i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
