some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
But theres a keg here and me gusta
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Randomize
