I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
