She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
