if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
