i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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