dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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