ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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