I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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