paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
