I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
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