Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
