I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
