I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
It was like getting head from an anaconda
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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